Yesterday as the rain poured down and the clouds lingered like an unwanted visitor that you just have to embrace because there is no choice in the matter, I tried to smile anyway and make the most of a crummy situation. I feel like there have been a lot of moments in my life that I have had to do that... I call them "dark days."
There was a period of time in life where I just kind of shook my fist at the sky and screamed and thought... "REALLY, what else can go wrong, why not just kill me, oh yeah that would be too easy." (too honest?!?!) Life hands us some pretty messed up stuff sometimes... things we don't expect to happen come in and ruin our worlds. Some guy with issues rapes a girl, for whatever reason he wants to blame, maybe he was abused or he just needed to feel powerful, or she was asking for it. Your parents get sick or die and you're left thinking what am I going to do now? You end up a young parent because of a night that got a little too out of control. Your world falls apart piece by piece and you find yourself wonder how the heck this happened and how you are going to be able to pick up the pieces.
That whole when life hands you lemons make lemon aid things ALWAYS got on my nerves. Really you want me to make lemon aid out of this, my whole world just crumbled in front of my face and you want me to stinkin make lemon aid? That just seems so insane, and its rather annoying to hear. (again... too real?) So what do I know about this topic, both my parents are alive,I've got a great big family, amazing friends, a fantastic church, an awesome job, I've got my junk together (or so it looks like it). Believe me I have dealt with my share of trash... like a garbage truck mowing me over and hitting reverse a few times to make sure I got the message of hey there are things in life that are gonna be junkie. And I have the scars, memories, and emotional hurts to back that up. There are days when getting out of bed seems near unto impossible, moments where life just feels a little too much, and where my world just seem to be spinning out of control. Fortunately as I grow up and spend more time focusing on who's I am rather than who I am those Dark Days happen way less often.
But how do you step out of the darkness of a dark day and into a place where you can not just function but be happy? How do you go from being pretty much afraid of your own shadow to overcoming and at least making an attempt at smiling? How do you get to the point in life where you even want to move on?
For me it's been a challenge.... it hasn't been easy to stay positive and to not let the feeling of what the heck just happen over take me. I wish it was always sunny skies and rainbows and butterflies but more often then not the clouds come out and its gets gloomy. How do I push through????
1- My faith in God. I know that no matter what comes at me He's got me.
2- An amazing history to look back on and see God's faithfulness.
3- Crazy people who I share some DNA with (family).
4- A Pastor and his awesome family who have seen and prayed me through so many situations... even when I didn't know it.
5- Great people who I have crossed paths with like my OHANA.
6- I healthy understanding a rooting in the Word and what it says.
7- My AMAZING life long friends who without them ESP during the dark days I would be so lost... thanks for making me laugh and smile even in the worst moments (you guys should know who you are... some of you share some DNA with each other)
8- The great church I get to serve as a part of.
9- The awesome staff I get to work with who encourage me to be real and let me have the space to deal.
10- The honest belief that my latter will be greater than my past.
Yeah those are the 10 ways I deal with the Dark Days. Sometimes the gloom and clouds sort of over take me but I try real hard to stay focused on the list above and it usually pulls me out of my funk... all else fails... I grab a box of tissues and have a nice long girly cry.
(Too Honest?!?!?! OH WELLL!) =)
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