DARK DAYYYYSSSSS......

Yesterday as the rain poured down and the clouds lingered like an unwanted visitor that you just have to embrace because there is no choice in the matter, I tried to smile anyway and make the most of a crummy situation. I feel like there have been a lot of moments in my life that I have had to do that... I call them "dark days."

There was a period of time in life where I just kind of shook my fist at the sky and screamed and thought... "REALLY, what else can go wrong, why not just kill me, oh yeah that would be too easy." (too honest?!?!) Life hands us some pretty messed up stuff sometimes... things we don't expect to happen come in and ruin our worlds. Some guy with issues rapes a girl, for whatever reason he wants to blame, maybe he was abused or he just needed to feel powerful, or she was asking for it. Your parents get sick or die and you're left thinking what am I going to do now? You end up a young parent because of a night that got a little too out of control. Your world falls apart piece by piece and you find yourself wonder how the heck this happened and how you are going to be able to pick up the pieces.

That whole when life hands you lemons make lemon aid things ALWAYS got on my nerves. Really you want me to make lemon aid out of this, my whole world just crumbled in front of my face and you want me to stinkin make lemon aid? That just seems so insane, and its rather annoying to hear. (again... too real?) So what do I know about this topic, both my parents are alive,I've got a great big family, amazing friends, a fantastic church, an awesome job, I've got my junk together (or so it looks like it). Believe me I have dealt with my share of trash... like a garbage truck mowing me over and hitting reverse a few times to make sure I got the message of hey there are things in life that are gonna be junkie. And I have the scars, memories, and emotional hurts to back that up. There are days when getting out of bed seems near unto impossible, moments where life just feels a little too much, and where my world just seem to be spinning out of control. Fortunately as I grow up and spend more time focusing on who's I am rather than who I am those Dark Days happen way less often.

But how do you step out of the darkness of a dark day and into a place where you can not just function but be happy? How do you go from being pretty much afraid of your own shadow to overcoming and at least making an attempt at smiling? How do you get to the point in life where you even want to move on?

For me it's been a challenge.... it hasn't been easy to stay positive and to not let the feeling of what the heck just happen over take me. I wish it was always sunny skies and rainbows and butterflies but more often then not the clouds come out and its gets gloomy. How do I push through????

1- My faith in God. I know that no matter what comes at me He's got me.

2- An amazing history to look back on and see God's faithfulness.

3- Crazy people who I share some DNA with (family).

4- A Pastor and his awesome family who have seen and prayed me through so many situations... even when I didn't know it.

5- Great people who I have crossed paths with like my OHANA.

6- I healthy understanding a rooting in the Word and what it says.

7- My AMAZING life long friends who without them ESP during the dark days I would be so lost... thanks for making me laugh and smile even in the worst moments (you guys should know who you are... some of you share some DNA with each other)

8- The great church I get to serve as a part of.

9- The awesome staff I get to work with who encourage me to be real and let me have the space to deal.

10- The honest belief that my latter will be greater than my past.

Yeah those are the 10 ways I deal with the Dark Days. Sometimes the gloom and clouds sort of over take me but I try real hard to stay focused on the list above and it usually pulls me out of my funk... all else fails... I grab a box of tissues and have a nice long girly cry.

(Too Honest?!?!?! OH WELLL!) =)

These are my Confessions.... =)

So my good friend Gina and I were talking on the phone the other night and I confessed something that for some reason I thought was slightly embarrassing... which prompted an hour long conversation.... LOVED chatting it up with my pal Gina... which prompted this blog post...

Here goes.....

1- I like getting my nails done.

2- I enjoy watching chick flicks.

3- Boys are cute.... even if I don't talk about them like that.

4- I wanna be a wife and mommy some day.

5- I like to cuddle.

6- I sleep with a teddy bear and a batman pillow.

7- I don't dislike pink as much as I let on that I do.

8- I've thought about silly things like who I marry and what the day will be like (but i'd totally be ok with eloping).

9- I cry a lot more then I like to admit.

10- Lifetime movies are actually ok by me.

11- I am way more sensitive then I like to let on.

12- I need to hear positive feed back (not sure if that's actually girly).

13- I've had embarrassing crushes... regular every day people and celebs... JTT much?!?!?

14- I'm pretty much a daddy's girl at heart... even if I try to hide it with my sarcastic comments.

15- I own make up and I wear it once in a while.

16- I like to go shopping.

17- Girl time is something I look forward to.

18- I like to read and write poetry and things like that.

19- I make 11:11 wishes... LOL =)

20- I like shoes!

21- I enjoy matching!

22- I like flowers but especially GERBER DASIES.

23- I want someone to chase my heart b/c I believe I deserve that.

24- I like my blue eyes and think they sparkle just right.

25- I'm not too girly to admit that I love my brothers who protect me.

26- I read People magazine sometimes.

27- Pictures of pretty girls make me feel a little insecure b/c after all I am a girl.

28- I like to doodle silly girly things like hearts, rainbows, and flowers.

29- I get excited when I get a text message from my friends.

30- I love getting my hair washed and then cut.

31- I probably wore a pillow case on my head as a veil at one point or another. (when i was like 4)

32- This list was pretty easy to make and it wasn't too bad to confess!

OK I think 32 is probably good enough for now... =) Just wanted to say thanks to my AMAZING friend Gina for encouraging me that being real is OK! Love ya Denim!!!! =)

Distance...

Ever just feel like someone who could be sitting right next to you is a world away?!?!? I've been blessed to know so many INCREDIBLE people in my life. I legit (in my personal opinion) have the GREATEST friends/ family a girl could ever want. Unfortunately distance ALWAYS creeps in.... man I HATE distance. I dislike it when its an actual physical distance, I mean having friends scattered world wide is just annoying. I hate not being able to go to starbucks with a friend b/c they live in a different state or country. I can't stand having to convert hours so I know when it's safe to call someone... the whole counting thing just throws me off. But more then physical distance I can't stand when someone is just "distant" especially when I don't know why. I hate not being able to be there for a friend or being able to say sorry if I did something wrong or offended someone. I like to know what's going on, not to be nosy but to be able to be there for someone when and if they need it. I HATE being pushed away.... but I do it to others. When someone gets too close and I am afraid they will find out something they may not like about me or see my flaws I back away. Sometimes I unintentionally hurt someone because I don't want them to dislike me or whatever. Sometimes I create a distance because I'm afraid of getting hurt. I've had a lot of hurts in life so if I can avoid them I do... but sometimes it's at the cost of relationship.... and that's not a cost worth taking. Distance is that stinky thing between two objects (be it people or places) and well... it's terrible. So today as I think of the AMAZING people God has blessed my life with I am praying that distance would no longer be something I create to protect me (unless it's needed- like with the creepers).

FUN Fridays....

FRIDAYs are usually "Fun Friday's" for the Point Staff. We work hard all week so we can play hard too.

On Friday mornings we meet up at the train station in Hicksville (Thursdays for some of our team in Babylon), we get there at around 7am to hand out breakfast bars andinvite cards to the people heading into the city for work in the morning. Some people are hesitant but even if it's just for that one person like the guy yesterday who asked where the church was and seemed genuinely interested make getting up at 5:15 ammore then worth it. After the train station it's back to the office to finish up our loose ends for the week to be sure we're ready for Sunday morning.Our speaking/ teaching team also has our creative team meeting, brain storming and planning. Most Fridays we play a round of dodge ball and kick back a little bit as a team before that dayis done. Because after all... "a staff that prays and plays together says together" (Todd Bishop)

This past Friday was slightly different... well... it stated out the same...Train Stationhanding out breakfast bars talking to some people from the area about our church..that never gets old... LOVE sharing about our AMAZING church! Then to the office to get some work done. Then we headed to our lead pastor's (Todd) house for lunch and a meeting, a little out of the ordinary but not too much. After that Pastor Josh, his awesome wife Sarah, Gina and myself headed to BJs to get food for the 40+ students our church will be hosting this week. FOUR shopping carts and a SUPPPPER long grocery receipt later we may have enough food to last like 3 days... after allTEENAGERS can EAT!!!! As we were shopping we hadsuch a great time just laughing and being us. As we loaded up ourcarts and just plain acted silly I realized something.... or maybe re-realized something.... I LOVE THIS TEAM. But the 4 of us didn't take into account that 4 grocery carts FULL of food would need to get back to the church... ummmm yeah... ouch! So we loaded the food in ever nook and cranny of Gina's SUV and when we ran out of room we loaded the bread onwhoever ended up in the passenger's seat. It was without a doubt anadventure in its own right. Then the unload with our amazing friend Jennifer cam on over and helped with... which was not without it's craziness... but without a doubt AWESOME!!!!

The best part for me though may have been that night as PJ, Sarah, Gina and I had dinner and AMAZING conversations together. We hung our till like 12:30am just talking and laughing and getting to know each other better. I must say... this team is INCREDIBLE!!!!! It is such an honor and a blessing to be a part of this staff and this church... I am SOOOOOOOO glad I moved HOME!!!!! I cannot wait for this week coming up and for all the other amazing adventures life is going to throw at thisAWESOME team!

Here are some pics from our FUN FRIDAY!!!!!

Stole my heart... praying for yours...

This post is for my dear sweet niece Trinity!

My Dearest Trin-

You baby girl stole my heart 5 months ago, well actually before that. Pretty sure I fell in love with you the day your mommy told me she was having a baby. You were theperfect gift for your already AMAZING family. The love story your parents have is incredible. The way your family has been pieced together is so awesome. Your mom and big sister and I went to church together for a while. Your mom and I taught a class together and then began a jr high youth ministry where we got to invest in kids and we build a bond that I had no idea would be anywhere near the impact it's been in my life. Your mom is my Jonathan, that friend that sticks closer then a brother. She's been there for me in so many ways and I will always be eternally thankful for the part she has played in my life. She's AMAZING... trust me! A few years ago she and your father met. They dated for a little while andthen lost contact for some time. Through a series of events they ended up back in each other's lives. Your dad and big brother started coming to the church and I had the awesome opportunity to get to know them... they're pretty incredible... you're a blessed kid. Alittle over 2 years ago your dad and mom got married and I had the amazing honor of reading some scripture at their wedding. The day they got married was one of the most incredible moments of my life... it was a true testimony of how INCREDIBLE God's plans truly are... but the blessings God has poured out on your family didn't just stop there... He decided to give them an AMAZING gift... yup that's right.. He gave them YOU!

Trin, you are the promise they waited for you are the baby they prayed for. You came to their lives and tied your family even closer together. You were so tiny (and still are) but you were so content and cuddly. You were EVERYTHING the prayed for. Your parents and big sister and brother were so excited. They all love you soooo much, don't EVERdoubt that baby girl. People from near and far were excited about your arrival and could not wait to meet you. Shortly after you were born I got a call from your mommy. I could tell she had been crying, which instantly made me sad b/c she's my Jonathan and I hate seeing her sad. She told me that you had a whole in your heart and that they were going to possibly have to do open heart surgery. As I fought back tears I prayed and fully believed that God could and would take care of you. I came to your house to meet you and hold you and the moment our eyes met I realized how AMAZING you were. You little girl are going to impact the lives of thousands of people, there is a purpose for your little life and I cannot wait to see and hear about all the great things you will do to impact others. As I held you I silently prayed that God would be the holder of your heart from then till your very last breath, that whole or not whole you would be made whole in Him and that all those you came in contact with would be pointed toward Him because of your little life.

Trin today you're in a hospital operating room in Boston and I have cried tears of sorrow for your mommy, daddy, big sister and big brother, and the rest of the people who love you, but I have also cried tears of joy because little girl... you have rocked the hearts of so many people... there are thousands of people praying for you. So Trin as you lay there in the hospital know that your Auntie Kit Kat loves you more then you know and that for the rest of your life I will be praying for you and believing BIG time that God has a plan and a purpose for you life and that He is going to do AWESOME things in and through you.

Trin you are loved!!!! Praying that today on your 5 month birthday God grants you the first of MANY miracles to come in your life! I fully believe that you will impact others! LOVE you baby girl!

LOVE- Auntie Kit Kat =)

Uncharted Territory...

Ever take a walk down a road and think... hmmmm this doesn't look familiar? Yeah me too and I HATE it... being LOST is so not my idea of a good time. Although there are some really amazing people I wouldn't mind being lost with because they have the gift of making EVERYTHING more fun. I must confess I'm not SUPER excited about UNCHARTED TERRITORY. I kind of like to know where I'm going... GPS.. YES... I like to know the twists and turns I need to take. Well... life just threw me a HUGE twist and turn on this journey. My entire life (well as long as I can remember) I have had the same BEST FRIEND

and now... she's about toleave on a new adventure. It's uncharted territory for her and I am so EXCITED to see what she does. the opportunities that are before her are just INCREDIBLE. She's one of the greatest and most talented people I have ever met... not perfect but AMAZING none the less. But the selfish part of me is so not ready for the UNCHARTED TERRITORY I'm about to enter into. My whole life (as long as I can remember) no matter what happened or where I was or what I was doing I ALWAYS had my BEST FRIEND by my side. She was always there supporting me, loving me, and encouraging me to go after whatever my heart desired. She's been my rock in some of the toughest of times and I am not sure where I would be without her. She's made me laugh when all I wanted to do was cry. The stories we could tell would both make you shake your head b/c you don't get it and cause you to laugh like never before b/c we're just that insane. The memories we share are irreplaceable. So as my BEST FRIEND prepares to move halfway across the globe my heart is sad because I will miss being able to just pick up the phone or grab starbucksor ice cream with her or watch old home videos or play boulderdash with her and our other AMAZING friends.As I fight back the tears I can't help but think.. but what if something big happens while she's gone, 3 years is a long time my whole WORLD could change. Who will I text about theDUMB things that only she would understand? Who's shoulder will I cry on or who will I laugh endlessly with? I mean I have other friends but... no one knows me like my NICOLE knows me. It's with bitter sweet emotions that I say "goodbye" to my BEST FRIEND. I'm not ok with this whole UNCHARTED TERRITORY but I didfind comfort in the fact that technology has made keeping in touch easier and that I have AMAZING friends like my OSC homies (thanks Matthew, Rachel, Leah and David.... love you guys). My world is about to completely change and enter into this UNCHARTED TERRITORY so before I soak the keyboard I'll end with this.... NICOLE FICARO... I love you I am so proud of you and HONORED to have been your best friend since that day I threw the block at you and then we hugged... the rest is history. I cannot wait to see what the future holds, however if Sunday NEVER came and went I would be ok with that too... gonna miss you while you travel UNCHARTED TERRITORY!!!!

Chuga Chuga Choo Choo....

The alarm went off at 5:15am this morning and as I groaned because 5am of ANY kind on the alarm clock is just absolute insanity in my world. So as I rolled out of bed and prepared for the day I kept thinking about the opportunities that presented themselves this morning. Our team met at the train station in Hicksville to hand out FREE breakfast bars and invite cards to the commuters. We've done this every summer I've been here in NY (this will be the 3rd summer) and each year it reminds me of something AMAZING...

The combination of the people running to the train platform and the trains coming in and going out providing opportunities for people to get where they would like to go sends me in to a thought about God. He's a lot like the train... waiting and providing opportunities to get us where we'd like to go. He carries us there because lets be real commuting from Long Island to NYC is not the easiest on foot, just like navigating through life isn't that easy without HIS help. I find myself to be a lot like the passengers on the train. Coming and going, busy and attempting to stay focused, trying really hard to not be distracted by the other passer-bys or those crazy people handing out invite cards and breakfast bars. The thing I often have to remind myself is that God's timing is not like the trains timing. His timing is perfect! If I miss the "train" I thought I was supposed to be on He's amazing and He's willing to double back and pick me up.

Oh the lessons I learn at wayyyytoo early in the morning! Thankful for the chuga chuga choo choo experience this morning! =)