Mindbloggeling Monday.... carrying through...

Ok so on Mondays we ALWAYS have staff meeting (well for the most part). ThisMonday we started something new, our amazing lead pastor, Todd Bishop started to go through sort of a devotional and challenge with us. At first I was kind of frustrated with the topic that we were going to start with.... CHARACTER. You see it had been a rather tough weekend and I wasn't super impressed with myself and the way I actedand reacted to a few particularly tough situations. Well.... the good thing is.... God's forgiveness is extended to even a screw up like me and his LOVE knows nobounds. Good thing HE and I and a few other people had some chats before that staff meeting otherwise I'm not 100% sure I would have made it though that without the box of tissues I had been clinging to all weekend. Life has handed me some pretty crazy and messed up situations and I've lived through some junk but when I am thecause of other people's messes or when I create my own messes I get pretty frustrated with me.

On Monday Pastor Todd shared with us about Samson, you know that super tough guy who was brought down by some shady chick giving him a hair cut, yeah him.

Well before all that drama went down there was other drama... this guy was straight redic. Anyway... Samson is walking down this path (one hes kinda not supposed to be on) and he sees some chick, he decides he wants her so he tells his parents... they say NOOOO... but he insists and pursues her anyway. In my head I was thinking "Hey

FATHEAD... you're parents probably know what they are talking about MAYBE just MAYBE you should listen." But at the same time I know I've not listened to the advice of those wiser then me. Well he's not the brightest and he goes after this chick anyway.

A whole mess of junk happens and he continues to make some crazy STUPID (hope thats ok to say) choices. Although I was baffled at his lack of common sense and lack of intellect the thing that bothered me the most was his LACK of character and integrity. I mean really who does these things???? The dude killed 30 men and stole their stuff to make good on a bet... I mean really you don't realize that you are royally screwing up when you have to kill 30 men to make good on a silly bet? And who makes that choice... that's redic.

Whatevs this dude was nutts. So what did I pull away from our little staff "devo" time? First of all that God can use our failures for good things... and I am beyond thankful for that b/c I need redos all the time. It's that whole being human thing... gets me every time. But really I came away thinking... Dear God... Help me to continue to develop character that you would be proud of. Help me to be more like you and less like me with every breath I take. Help me to be honest with myself and others. Help me to listen with open ears and a quiet mouth. Help me to be who you created me to be. (and a little bit more)

Honestly though... my thought was... God if I am ever walking down a Samson path of destruction please help me to see the warning signs, please put people in my path who will redirect me and help me to see that I am going the wrong way...

So Samson... thanks for messing up and thanks for being someone I could learn from! (Not that you will ever actually see this but it's nice to say thank you)

BLOWN AWAY

So I went to bible college... yup that happened... I remember it well... good times... great friends... and much growth and learning. But I kind of let something fall through the cracks post grad. I never really truly went after my license with the AG, I just became content in doing what I was doing and let myself be consumed by my fear of test taking and made the choice to not go after something I wanted. Silly fears creeping in and trying to steal something away. In the last year I have completed a class that I needed to be able to even enquire about my license... apparently over cutting a class wasn't the BEST idea this bible college grad ever had.... ooops! Then a meeting about a year ago and today a talk with a district presbyter to find out about taking my test (that gives me the shakes a little bit). So tonight I went crazy looking for 4x6 index cards to make flash cards of a 2 page study guide...5 stores later and shopping for things i DIDN'T need I ended up finding index cards... the closet nerd in me was pretty pumped! Ten after 11 and I am done filling out the missing portions of my application and setting things up so that I can make flash cards during nap time at the nanny job tomorrow.

Although I'm nervous and know its a pretty big step in life I am excited to see how it affects my life, the amazing church I get to serve, and my future. It seems like such a natural step to take but its so crazy and it's blowing my mind that God would choose a screw up like me to take this step. Blownaway right now seriously BLOWN AWAY!!!!!

10 years....

10 years ago today i was sleeping, it was just another day with school to follow in themorning as men and women poured their coffee, took their showers and headed out the door to work as they normally did others boarded planes setting out to terrify a country. I had 8am classes that day so I probably got up at 7:45 and got ready in my10minute speedy way. Headed to class and sat toward the back like I always did... it was a regular average day why would I act different? All of the sudden midway through class another teacher bursts into our classroom saying a plane hit the World TradeCenter. I was like dude thats really NOT a funny joke. We stopped, prayed for whatever was going on and headed to find a TV. This was no joke and as we got to the TVs the second plane hit the second tower. I felt sick... I knew people who worked there, I had friends who's parents worked there, my family randomly traveled into the city sometimes. I was shaken and I was 300 miles away. Phone lines were down and I couldn't get in touch with my family for a few hours. In that time I did a lot of praying and crying... "dear God be with my family and loved ones." It drove me to my knees. As we watched and cried we were terrified that people we knew had been affected bythis event. We didn't believe it at first when they said it was a terrorist attack. Who would do something that sick? When I finally got to talk to some family and friendsthey told me they could see smoke from different areas, like from my friends college or my moms job or my high school.... we live 20 minutes away how could they see smoke... crazy! It all felt like a really bad dream as reports flooded in and the tragicnumbers of lives lost added up. But it didn't hit me until fall break. As we drove overthe Throgs Neck Bridge and the city sky line looked completely different. Tears streamed down my face as I looked and the buildings I had just been inside of and my friends and I opted to not go to the top till christmas break were no longer standing.

So today as I prepare to go to the place so many people found comfort and peace I pray that people who lost loved ones will find comfort and peace today. I pray that the men and women who sacrificed their lives at the world trade center and the other areas that were affected, I pray their lives wouldn't be in vain, I pray that we would continue to find the strength and the courage to move on and to do great things with our lives, for our country, for others and most importantly for God. I pray that the kids who lost their parents would be brought peace by their heavenly father. I pray that this tragic

even would not make the day that buildings fell and people died but the day that a nation came together for the greater good of man kind to rise above and awful situation.

9-11 victims and families, you will forever remain in my heart, thoughts and prayers. I am so thankful to be an American and so glad for the freedoms we have. Military personnel, firemen, police officers... THANK YOU for doing what you do!

REPLAY...

Gonna throw this song on replay and call it a day....

It's time for healing time to move on
It's time to fix what's been broken too long
Time make right what has been wrong
It's time to find my way to where I belong
There's a wave that's crashing over me
All I can do is surrender

(Chorus)
Whatever you're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
but I'm giving in to something heavenly

Time for a milestone
Time to begin again
Revaluate who I really am
Am I doing everything to follow your will
or just climbing aimlessly over these hills
So show me what it is you want from me
I give everything I surrender...
To...

(Chorus)

Time to face up
Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out
That I've wanted to say for so many years
Time to to release all my held back tears

Whatever you're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but I believe
You're up to something bigger than me
Larger than life something heavenly

Whatever you're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but now I can see
This something bigger than me
Larger than life something heavenly
Something heavenly

It's time to face up
Clean this old house
Time breathe in and let everything out

I don't understand what God is doing in me or in my life right now but I am just going to trust that He knows what He's doing. I know He's got a plan for me and for my crazy mixed up world....

Difference and Impact..

Tonight I get the chance to hang out with my Pastor's AMAZING wife, Mary and my AWESOME friend Gina! We headed to the movies and sawThe Help... which by the way was an EXCELLENT movie... minus the whole swearing thing. A crazy story about the sad history of racism in our country. Can I just say I am so glad I live in a time and place where people are looked at way more equally and that race enhances our experiences in life. I have been so enriched by knowing so manydifferent people and our races, religious beliefs, ages, and backgrounds have only made the ways our lives can and do impact each other even better. I love the differences in people and the things that make us similar like the creativity of our creator. I love that my friends of different races and cultures have taught me about their backgrounds so that I could have to opportunity to learn new things like customs and beliefs behind things. Tonight as I watched The Help I realized that I was sitting inbetween two extremely special people (and not the "don't eat the paste" type of special). I realized I was sitting in the middle of two people who have so greatly impacted my world. They are both extremely different people.

First up... Gina. What can I say about Gina? She's taught me so much in the last year, which is a little strange because I'm older then her and should probably be teaching her. But Gina has impacted my world. She's taught me some pretty amazing life lessons. Gina has taught me to find joy in moments that are just absolutely crazy. Like

a few weeks ago when she had a TERRIBLE day, like everything that could go wrong did, Gina still smiled and kept going. She's reminded me of some pretty crazy dreams I dreamt while I was in college and helped me remember that its ok to dream something crazy. She's reminded me that laughter truly is the best medicine. She's helped me to see that being girly is way more then ok, and actually really fun. She's encouraged me in so many ways... probably WAYYY more then she will ever know or realize. I am so

thankful that Gina has become a part of my world.

And now Mary. I've known Mary for like 11 years. My senior y

ear of high school Mary was my sunday school teacher. She poured into my life from the moment she began teaching my class. From things like praying with me about my college choice to praying through situations I was facing to encouraging me to make a list, Mary always gave me good Godly counsel. She checked in on me while I was in college and always had something encouraging to say. Every conversation I have ever had with Mary has left me thinking, and left me with the feeling of being able to accomplish great things for God. Watching her with her husband and children and the way she loves our church encourages me to want to do better at the things I do. Mary is an incredible woman and I am honored to consider her a friend.

I have been so blessed with some really awesome people in my life. I am really thankful for the amazing people God has blessed me with. Really glad I got to spend time with some awesome people tonight! =)

Fears and Dreams....

So today Pastor Josh (our campus pastor at our Babylon site) and I were talking about this awesome group called... To Write On Her Arms With Love. As we talked about it I thought... wow... what an amazing group. Josh told me about this new part of their campaign that they are doing that's called Fears and Dreams. I had to of course look itup and check it out for myself. As I read some of the Fears and Dreams others had posted about I realized that Fears and Dreams are pretty normal to have. And thenmymind became FLOODED with thoughts, things I am terrified to admit scare me andthings I am mortified to say I dream of. Once you tell someone you dream of something its almost like a slap in the face if it doesn't happen or a huge let down... so its scary to admit your dreams. And its tough to admit your fears. But apparently the last few months of my life have been all about stretching and growing so here goes (three i'm willing to share)...

FEARS...

1- Being alone (in life... not ever getting married or having a family)

2- Loosing the people I love

3- Letting someone really love me (you know in that i wanna marry you way- you know like Corey and Tapanga... yeah I went there- got joke a little in the serious moment)

DREAMS...

1- To become a wife (seems a little contradictory b/c of my fears)

2- To be a mother and raise a family with a good God fearing husband

3- To live up to the potential that God sees in me (#FRP baby)

They may not be the worst fears in the world and they may not be the biggest dreams any one has ever dreamt but they're mine... and now they're out there on the internet for all to see.... wow... i guess thats not a fear!

As I sat and thought about fears and dreams today I realized that no matter what I fear my God is bigger and the same it true for even my craziest of dreams. But as I thought I was reminded of a night mare I used to have. Now if you know me really well this dream makes even more sense....

From the time I was five till I was probably like 21 I had this repeating nightmare. I was a child in feety pajamas and I was walking up the steps of the house I grew up in and all of the sudden these monsters started chasing me, they all had the same face and were really scary. I would run and run and run but I could never get away and the monster would always get me. I would wake up sweating and crying every time I had the dream which unfortunately happened often. It was so real and felt like it was actually happening... this brought about me often sleeping with a bat or some sort of object that could be used as a weapon incase the dream became a reality.

My senior year in bible college I had the same exact dream... it was terrifying... until the end. The end was different. I was still a little girl in feety pajamas being chased by scary monsters but just as they were about to attack me these men came out with lightsabers and swords and crazy weapons to protect me. I noticed some of the faces... guys I went to school with, pastors of mine, friends from childhood, my dad... these men attacked the monsters and defeated them. Then they each hugged me and one of them just stood right by my side and let me cry... his face was blurry but his eyes wereclear, they were warm and loving.

My point is... that nightmare had so much power in my life. I was terrified to close my eyes some nights. I didn't want to have that dream, it felt too real and it was scary. But the alternative ending dream... I'd love to have that one EVERY night. Thing is some times our fears get the best of us and we never realize that there could be something different and something better. We don't see that the best is yet to come and that there is so much more to live for. We get so caught up in the fears and allow them to become our reality that we miss out on ever even thinking about a dream.

Well... tonight... I'm gonna dream... I'm gonna lay my head on my pillow and believe God is going to allow me to dream some AMAZING dreams... not just the goals I have but the desires deep within my heart. I'm gonna believe... even if only for tonight that those dreams can and will become a reality. I'm gonna be more imaginative then Walt Disney because my maker made me with big eyes and a tender heart. And if for some reason tomorrow my fears drag me down one way or another, I'll have had tonight, but I pray that I will cling to those dreams and believe for the realities that can be.

9/7/2011

At 9:17pm on September 7th I came into the world. The third child in my family and the only girl. My daddy named me Katherine after his favorite actress (Katharine Hepurn). I got my middle name from my mom... we share it... Rose. My big brotherswelcomed me into the world and taught me the ropes (some lessons were easier learned then others). I was born on the 7th as the 7th grandchild on both sides of my family... 7 happens to be my favorite number... random fact I KNOW you just could NOT live without.

So today was apparently my birthday! My friend Ally came down from RI to spend the day with me which was so nice. I love spending time with friends.

Heres a look at the birthday fun...

First up... first day of school for the younger siblings... so I woke up at 6:30 am. Mostly because I heard them getting ready but also because I wanted to see them off to school. They got dressed in their new school clothes, ate breakfast, grabbed their backpacks and headed out the door. So weird to see them heading out the door for 8th and 10thgrade... they are getting so big so fast. Love my little sisters and I am so proud of who they are becoming.

Then a little TV time... why wake up early if you're not gonna hit up classics like Boy Meets World.

Eventually it was time to get ready and head to staff meeting... honestly who better to spend part of the day with then some of my FAVORITE people. I really and truly love our team. It's an honor to get to work with each and every one of them. I love getting to hear their hearts and talk about ways to help our church and each other grow. I am beyond blessed to get to call the team I work with my friends.

After Ally and I went out for lunch... ON THE BOARDER..... gotta love the Mexicans... so yummy! No seriously it was really good. Even better then the food, just hanging out with one of my close friends talking about life and dreams and random silly things like how girly I truly am (popular topic lately) was amazing.

IKEA... what trip to the Hicksville mall would be complete without a stop in IKEA... prefect rainy day activity. We walked through the whole store saying silly things like "when I grow up" or "is it weird that I get excited to think about cooking for my family and them sitting at the counter"... yup without a doubt some girl time.

No trip to NY would be complete without RALPHS, pizza, a bagel run and the bakery.... yupp we hit it all up so Ally could go home fully loaded... insuring that I would need to do an extra couple of sets of something to burn off all the crap I consumed today... oh calories why are you so loaded? No really though... we NYers have amazing foodage. Leave NY for a little while and then come back and you willTOTALLY understand.

Went to Target... b/c thats what Ally and I do! Had some Starbucks b/c their passion tea lemon aid is addicting. Enjoyed the company of family and friends. Got my cell phone blown up with texts and facebook notifications. Watched Friends =) Blew out candles and made a wish. Enjoyed knowing that this year will be great just because of how it has started out. Loved knowing that He who kept me in the past also holds my future and that my latter will certainly be greater than my past. Yup all in all I'd say it was a pretty FRP 9/7 =)