2 years later....

It started as a joke... "When you gonna come work with me?" no wait it started about 7 years before that...

A broken, messed up 17 year old trying to figure out this whole life and God thing... and a youth pastor who was all kinds of crazy just simply showing compassion to a group of kids. The invitation to help stuff worship guides for youth group came and the desire to not be at home the following afternoon won over. So... when softball practice or games didn't get in the way stuffing worship guides was the deal... someone had to do it. Through that interaction there was a bond formed... a leader worth trusting and following who invested in a 17 year old who just wanted to know what God had in mind for her. There was a service at youth retreat that broke this girls heart and helped her to see that there might just be some kind of plan for her life. The pastor prayed and the girl just knew something had to change. A few months later he encouraged her to apply to bible college... she thought he was crazy but agreed to apply. They prayed, along with his amazing wife (to be) that the girl would only get into the college she should. So three months later she moved her stuff into a college dorm..... Zion Bible College. They kept in touch and she went "home" to visit but became very content with where she was and the opportunities given to her. She got involved in a church and fell in love with a place. But things started to change she felt a shift coming. Things just seemed to need to change. A visit home usually did the trick to reassure the choice to be where she was... so she did just that and visited the church her youth pastor had started. She walked in and it just felt like home, which was weird to her because she never really felt at home where she had grown up. Two months later she was offered a job at that same church. There was a time of praying and debating but she knew all along that it was what felt like the right choice. So she once again pack all of her belongings and took that 3 hour journey toward a new chapter in life. Two years (and a day) later it's one of the BEST choices she has EVER made!!!

It's amazing what happens just because some crazy guy asked for help folding some paper to hand out at a youth service. Small steps/ small gestures can change someone's world.

Words Can Change the World....

My earlier post prompted friends to post things on Facebook and Twitter to say amazingly kind and loving things... thanks for that!

But what just happened changed my world for the better... there were 2 different phrases and each of them hit me just as hard as the next... but hard in a good way.

The first... "I'm Sorry!"--> It's amazing what you end up feeling when someone says that phrase. How the hurt that happened just seems to melt a way, even just a tad... it's a pretty incredible thing.

The next... "I love you!"--> Love heals all wounds... it's true!

Needless to say... my utter dependance on my heavenly Father for comfort and peace... although coupled with a headache and a few snotty tissues... came way sooner than I really expected.

Amazed at the power of words and the faithfulness of God!!!

Concrete Girl...

What would happen if this concrete girl just all of the sudden become a puddle? Concrete is rock solid, it's the stuff that you build things on top of because its so sturdy. It's the stuff you use to hold other things in place like steel rods in a building. It's the foundation of a house. It's not something you usually envision as a broken mess (unless of corse you are envisioning pot wholes). So what would happen if this concrete girl just fell apart? Would it be ok if I just became a puddle of nothingness?

I've always been able to hold it together outwardly even if my universe is flipped upside down and inside out. I'd rarely cry in public and I would do my best to hold it together even in private. There were moments though that I lost it... tears would flow and there would be a gross nasty snot mess to clean up after.

I'm not perfect, far from it, and I try not to give off that persona that I am perfect because I know how MESSED up I am. I know that I screw up all the time and that I hurt other people and that I am kind of a mess some times. I know that I'm not the best that I could be or even should be. I know that if I am not reminded about something I will often forget it. I know how worthless I am without God's help. I know all that. But I try so hard to hold it together and to do my best. But too often my best falls so short. Too often I'm left wondering how I didn't do that better and how I fail so miserably.

This concrete girl has had a rough day and my heart is hurting today... so today... this concrete girl is giving herself permission to be ok with falling apart a little bit. Hope the world doesn't mind but this concrete girl is going to fall into the arms of her Father where there is grace, acceptance, forgiveness, love, mercy and understanding. She's gonna let her guard down with her Daddy God and let Him put the pieces back where they need to be because she knows there is no way she can do it on her own.

If... Then...

If I handed you my heart would you break it into pieces or would you treat it with the utmost care?

If I let you see the real me would you run and hide or would you embrace me with and open mind?

If I told you my fears would you use them against me or would you try to help me over come them?

If you saw all my faults would you shut me out or would you encourage me to do better in life?

My heart has been so bruised and battered that sometimes I tuck it down deep so it doesn't happen again.

The real me sometimes wants to cry my eyes out and not just because the movie I'm watching is sad.

My fears may seem and probably are a little crazy but they are pretty real in my silly little world.

The faults I have sometimes overcome the triumphs I'd like to accomplish and that bums me out.

BUT... if I live in fear of what might happen, what kind of life would that really be? My heart may end up a little broken, I may have to be a little more open then I'm used to, my fears may have to take a back seat and my faults may have to be something I focus a little less on. But if I am not willing to do all that then how will I ever experience the life HE has planned out for me. So I'll just have to ask... God, heal the broken heartedness I may encounter, patch up the ego that may get damaged, no better yet smash the ego and replace it with what and who you want for me to be, replace my fears with your promises and take my faults and turn them into experiences that can be used for you.

(easier said than done... but it's the direction I'm heading in...)

A.D.H.D. (in more than one way)

I've never been able to sit still for long periods of time. I make fun of my pastor because if he talks on the phone he has to be moving around, really I shouldn't make fun of him b/c I do the exact same thing. Nine times out of 10 I have to be actively engaged in more than one things to really grasp what is going on or to be paying attention. Most people would say I have ADD or ADHD.... it's probably true, I mean after all caffeine calms me down, I talk in my sleep (a little bit), and I only sleep like 4-5 hours most nights. Usually when a kid and even now adults are clinically diagnosed with ADD or ADHD they are put on meds. A lot of times it's used as an excuse for the way someone behaves and sometimes it turns people away but what if we looked at ADHD through different eyes. What if instead of it meaning Attention Deficit Hyperactive Disorder it meant something else, maybe something a little more positive????

What if it meant Addiction Desire Hope Determination? Yeah I know it totally doesn't explain why little Davie can't sit still in class, or why Sarah as to doodle while she takes notes, why PT has to walk while he talks on the phone or why I have to stop doing what I am doing sometimes and just take a walk across the office... or does it???

Addiction... Addicted to what? Addicted to perfection. Wanting to get it right because you know that doing your best not only affects others but it brings Glory to the God that you serve and all you want to do is cause Him to smile.

Desire.... Desire for what? Desire to help point others to the one who holds your future, knows your yesterdays and cares about who you want to be.

Hope... Hope for what? Hope that you can accomplish all you would like to. That your dreams and passions would come to be. That those God given dreams actually come to be.

Determination.... Determined to do what and why? Determined to live the life planned out for me with love and passion in a way that will make my maker proud.

So what if ADHD wasn't looked at so negative and it was looked at as something that was good.

All I ever what to do in life, if nothing else, I want to live with ADHD. I want to be Addicted to perfection- trying always to do my best to bring honor to God. Desire to help point others to God, because without Him all the other dreams are worthless. Hope that I accomplish what God has for me to accomplish. and Determined to live life with no regrets.

So yeah I do have ADHD... in more than one way... but meds won't change me =)

SUIT UP

The month of February was all about Suiting Up for Point Kids. The adults were going through a series titled "Sexy Church" so in efforts to stay on a similar page we talked about putting on the full armor of God.

Explaining to a few of the younger kids early in the month that we don't actually put on the armor was a little tough, but they eventually got it.

When the PK (Malachi) asked me a pretty deep theological

question about weather or not we actually fight the devil I was floored.... "Kat, we learn to put on the armor of God, does that mean that we have to fight the devil at some point?" (something like that) My response was first, WOW and then... "Do you remember what Easter is all about?"// "yeah that's when Jesus died on the cross and then he rose again 3 days later."// "yup that's right! Well part of the armor of God is the helmet of Salvation, which is when we ask Jesus to be out best friend. When we ask Jesus to do that it's like having your own super hero squad."// "Ok so Jesus being our best friend helps us so that we don't have to really fight the devil!" (the words may have been slightly different but not much)

Some weeks we feel like the kids aren't paying attention and like they don't get it at all and then moments like what happened with Malachi happen and you realize, WOW they really do get it.

Yesterday as their teacher taught them about the helmet of salvation and the sword of the spirit I sat in the back of our theater and wrote "suit up" and eph 6:11 on 17 balloon swords and prayed for our kids I was blown away at the end when they all decided to sign a foam sword signifying that they wanted to SUIT UP! Aside from having AMAZING teachers our church has some pretty incredible kids.

Just when we think they aren't paying attention they come out with AMAZING questions and responses. Yesterday our kids made a commitment to "Suit Up!" (Eph 6:11) They signed a foam sword that now hangs above my desk. It hangs there to remind me to pray for them, to remind myself to "suit up" and as a reminder of how amazingly blessed I am to get to work with such AWESOME kids!

W-A-I-T...

Wait....

Most of the time we HATE that word! One definition for the word wait is... "to continue as one is in expectation"

How do you keep going as though something is going to happen when you're not sure how or when it is going to happen?

Waiting starts with a Want...

We want something. We see something we desire but for some reason it's not the right time for us to have the thing that we want.

Our church has seen the increased need for a space we could call our own. A space where our church could continue to grow as a healthy, life giving, family friendly church. Our leadership discussed the WANT and quickly realized that it would take a miracle of God to be able to obtain a building of any sort. So we decided to make do with what we have and remain in that stage where we continue as though we are expecting something greater than what we have.

But after you Want something you cannot help but Anticipate that thing to come to be. The Anticipation keeps you up at night, it causes you to think and dream things that you're not too sure you will ever really see happen but then also that you know you really want to see happen. In November (2010) our church was approached by another church that was closing it's doors and asked if we had an interest in buying their building. A team of our leadership went to check out this building and could not help but Anticipate and dream of the potential the building could have for our church.

Once you Want and Anticipate you Invoke, you know pray. Ask God do do the impossible, pray that He would direct your steps and that He would help you through the waiting process.

After seeing the building our team and our church prayed, we prayed that God would be in control of the situation and if it wasn't something He wanted for us that we would be ok with whatever happened. That if the answer was no that something even better would come along and if the answer was yes that we would have the wisdom to do what needed to be done for our church.

But what do you do when you Want something, then Anticipate, and Invoke.... what's next? Well... all that's left to do is TRUST.

Once you walk through the Want, to the Anticipation and Invoke God all you can do is Trust that the author and finisher of our faith has it all under control. We (our church) Trusted that God knew what he was doing and today our Pastor (2 days after his birthday, 6 days before we celebrate our church's 3rd birthday, on Valentine's day- you know the day of LOVE) signed a contract to BUY the building we saw back in November. The place we Wanted, Anticipated, Invoked God for, and TRUSTED for... it's ours! It's like our own little TRUE LOVE WAITs Valentine!!!

Yup pretty sure Valentine's Day 2011 is one that we will NEVER forget! =)